Every new parent faces one common query and that is, “What kind of parenting style is right for my child?” and “How do I get my kid to do exactly as I want him/her to?”
Well, why don’t you look that one up on Quora or Yahoo! Answers?
There is always the part about disciplining your child and making sure that he/she doesn’t turn out into a psycho killer or something. And Then there is this other part, a worry about protecting your children from making the same mistakes that you made! It’s all very noble when you look at it like that but do you think that your parents haven’t thought exactly the way you do right now? And yet, you made those mistakes, you learned from them and that’s what has made you stronger and brought you so far!
If I asked my grandmother,
she would say that the right way to raise your children is by constantly advising and telling them to do the right thing or take the right path. She believes strongly in micro-managing. That’s how she raised my father and seeing as how well off he is right now, my granny believes that her parenting style is the perfect one.
If I ask my parents,
they will absolutely swear by the method of constant criticism and strict punishments. If I asked for a bicycle, my dad would ask me to top the class in the exams even though he knew that I was a below average student. I would try, really hard and fail. If I asked to go to a picnic with my classmates, I would have to give up on my swimming classes and dance classes (both which I enjoyed a lot) for the rest of the term. At each and every step, my parents taught me about the value of money, importance of food, fruits of hard work and the power of making the right decisions! Sometimes the lessons would be taught by words and sometimes, by hands.
When I got married, I would tell my husband that I have no ideas about how I’m going to raise my child but one thing’s for sure, I will never raise my hands on my child. My husband, on the other hand, had a lot of views and ideas about how he was going to raise our child. Our views were always two opposite poles that never attract! I say, “we should guide our child to make her own decisions!” And my husband says, “we should make the right decision and then guide her towards that decision!” That’s how different our views are and in our own ways, we both were raising our baby girl!
This happened when my baby girl had turned one and she had just started to walk. The whole day, she would wobble and trip and fall and get up and try again. One day, she held on to the chair and stood up to try to walk behind me. I was busy with my household chores and my husband was reading a book. Right when she tried to a take a step forward, the chair moves and she falls down on the floor. My husband and I already have all our attention on her and are ready to rush towards her if she cried. But to our utter surprise, she sits up, brings her palm towards her face and inspects for a second before she kisses herself on her palms and her hand. Then she crawls slowly towards my husband and climbs up his lap.
Both my husband and I are in utter shock.
Well, there is a back story here.
Whenever my daughter would fall or get hurt or get bitten by mosquitoes/ ants, the first thing we did was kiss her exactly where it hurt her. Today, when she fell down and experienced some pain on her palms, without a second thought, she kissed herself and went ahead with her routine.
It was the proudest moment for both my husband and me!
And that’s when I realized,
There is no one right style of parenting or one right method of raising a child. What works for me may not work for you. But there is one Parenting Style that will work for every parent all over the world.
You want your child to do something, show him/her how it is done!
You want them to behave, you behave first. You want him to respect women, you respect your wife and mother first. You want her to be brave, you be brave and courageous first. You want them to value money, don’t shower them with gifts. You want them not to waste food, you respect the food on your plate first!
உலகின் தலை சிறந்த சொல் ‘செயல்’!
Ulagin thalai sirandha sol- ‘SEYAL’!
Meaning, In this world, the most powerful word is “ACTION”.
So, do it instead of speaking about it.
Show it to your children in action and they will follow your lead!